Eliminate Confusion -Set Goals

Hopefully, you have a list or at least one goal that you are trying to attain.

That goal should be specific, measurable and have a deadline.

Do you know why?

Having a written goal with all the details above eliminates confusion and makes your life easier when decisions have to be made.

Don’t you want an easier life?

How Not to Set Goals

Goal: Lose 10lbs.

Situation: Sally starved herself and lived on shakes until she lost 10lbs. The day after she confirmed that she lost 10lbs she ate an entire pizza to celebrate. In a matter of weeks, Sally gained all the weight back.

Reality: Sally achieved her goal! She wanted to lose 10lbs, and she did. Once that was accomplished she was free to go back to whatever weight she was or even more.

How To Set Strong Goals

Goal: Lose 10lb of unnecessary fat by doing fun and different exercises, eating healthy foods that I love, and enjoying the entire process. I will lose 10lbs or better by May 10th and keep the weight off for no less than 10 years. Losing the weight will mean I will have 50% more energy, sleep better than I am, have better sex, and be able to spend quality time with my children while showing them that living a healthy life is fun and easy to do.

Why the Goal: Not losing the weight means that I will be slow and sluggish, my children will copy my eating habits and will be unhealthy, unhappy, and struggle with self-esteem and their weight. It will mean I won’t be intimate with my husband because I will be self-conscious about my body, I will be depressed and unhappy every time I dress or undress, and I will die young and not spend my golden years with my family.

Goals can be written in any way you’d like. Put details into it. Put emotions into it. Make sure the benefits of long-term and short-term pain and pleasure are written out. You want a strong WHY for what you are doing. When days are hard, your goal written in this way is meant to push you past the pain and the fear into a better-envisioned future.

This is how a strongly written goal works to make life simpler.

Based on the above goal, Sally goes to a party. Her favorite food is there and everyone is eating it and moaning in pleasure.

Sally recalls her goals. Will eating this food take her to her goal that she wants or will it lead her to the negative consequences. Given the negative consequences are strong (they affect her children and their future as well as her own), she can resist the food by associating the negative consequences with the consumption of the food! Eating it would no longer provider her pleasure, eating it would recall all the potential pain in her future!

Review your current goals. Are they compelling? If you had a hard choice to make, would your current goals lead you in the direction you want?

If your current goals are not compelling with pleasure and pain, I suggest rewriting them now!

Mindset ready! Go!

What Exactly Is Holding You Back?

What exactly is holding you back from pursuing your goals?

Or from doing the daily actions that will get you where you want to go?

It isn’t what you think.

How do I know? Because we, people in general, lie to ourselves all the time. We are really very good at it. We don’t even know we are doing it.

Before we go much further, I need you to accept this truth: Your mind wants you to be right. If you say you are unlucky, your mind is going to show you all the many ways you are unlucky. Whatever you believe, you are guaranteed to find evidence to support it. Anything that doesn’t, you’ll either ignore it or dismiss it with some excuse.

Got it?

psychopath_knife_female_500_wht_18210

We have a set standard for excuses:

No money/not enough money/too costly/can’t afford it

No time/too busy

Timing is wrong/later would be better/just not right now

I can do it on my own/I don’t need help/I’ve got this

Sound familiar? Yeah, we’ve all used those.

How do you separate the things that aren’t truly right for you to do and those opportunities that are exactly what you need, but fear is keeping you from moving forward?

Here is a set of question to help you navigate through –

Would you do it if money wasn’t an issue? If your response is anything but yes or no – meaning just the thought of having the money to do it sends you into a tailspin of making excuses – then you know it isn’t about the money.

How much time would it take to do this? Specifically. How much time a month, week, day? What are you doing that isn’t productive (think TV) that you would be able to stop in order to get this done.

When would be the right time? If the only answer you have is later – it is an excuse. If you have a specific time – after the kids are grown, after the holidays, etc., get out your calendar and write it down that on this day specifically, after the event is past, you’ll start.

Sub-question: If you missed this opportunity because you decided to delay, would you future be richer or poorer? If you think, it won’t matter – ask yourself why it wouldn’t matter?

If you are bootstrapping – doing it all on your own, refusing help, insistent that you can do it on your own, are you making measurable progress? Are you where you thought you’d be by now? If you could accelerate your results 2x, would that make an impact in your life?

(and if you answer it is the money, go back to the first question!)

Hope this helps you decide whether you are delaying for ‘real’ reasons or for other reasons.

 

You Have to Be Different

You are going to have to change.

Transform.

Convert.

Turn.

There is no way of getting around it. It will happen.

It has to happen.

If you want your goal. If your dream and your desire are strong, there is no way you can walk through the fire of everything that you need to do and not BE someone else.

And that is scary as hell. I totally get it.

I’m right there with you.

Terrified. Trying not to cling to the familiar, the safe alternative, the life you know, the routine that has been established.

The goal that you are pursuing, the dream that infects your every waking hour means you have to confront your fears.

Embrace the unknown.

Embrace the discomfort.

Embrace the fear – all the fear!

And trust that on the other side is the life you want now.

But you only get it when you shed the skin of your old life and being.

It is the only way.

As scary as it is.

But it is yours once you welcome the upcoming change.

 

 

Do You Think About The Other Side of It?

When you are going through the worse days, when everything seems to be collapsing around you, when each moment is a struggle to survive, where is your attention?

Obviously, you are focused on survival.

Cleaning up the mess.

Picking up and putting the pieces together.

Keeping yourself together.

Keeping the family, business, friends, together and sane.

But in the midst of all this, you need to put some attention on one more thing.

The future.

The idea that at some point this entire mess will be over, done, history, and that one day you will be sitting under that shade tree or in the sun, sighing in satisfaction and happiness, is essential.

Because it is the hope for the future, the knowledge that you WILL get through this that will help you endure and push through the mess you are going through. 

And if you can’t keep in your mind the calm after the storm, you fall into despair.

People who have achieved great things in this world focused on the brighter future. 

Those that rise from poverty and abuse, those that overcome disabilities and tragedies, they know that the future will be brighter and that this hell is only temporary. They will do what needs to be and endure because it is temporary.

I want that for you.

So when it seems too dark, know that the dawn is coming. Night does not last forever. It cannot. And hard times will be pushed back by good times.

You and will endure. You must.

 

Do You Know You’re Awesome?

Yes, being humble has its place.  But let me also remind you; don’t hide your light under a bushel.

I don’t know about men, but I know most women have been taught to be modest, humble, to deflect praise, or to minimize or even outright deny compliments.

“Oh, it wasn’t a big deal. Yes, I raised three children, worked 40 hour work weeks and raise $1.1 million for a charity all the while training for a triathlon, but it isn’t a big deal.”

Sound familiar? 

I’m going to ask you to stop it. At least for a little while. Because the things that you do and do well, are important.

And it is not “nothing”.

I teach a beginner’s firearm course for women called Girlfriend Gun Party. I’m always looking for attendees for these classes, and I have to convince women why they need this class and how important it is.

One of the things I say is, “You get a lot of great information about firearms and firearm safety, plus I’m funny as hell.”

I say it with a straight face and earnest. And every time I say it, the woman laughs.

I’m being truthful. I have lots of great stories, and I work on the jokes and the delivery. I get laughs (which I love).  It makes the women comfortable, and it is easier to learn.

Two years ago, I would never have complimented myself. I would never have told people that I was funny. Or a good shooter, or a great speaker, or an excellent trainer.

It felt wrong to do that. 

Who was I to have confidence in myself? Pride goes before a fall and all that.

But what is wrong with knowing what you are good at, especially if you work hard to be good at it?

Who wins when you downplay your excellence?figure_5_of_5_stars_800_wht_18779 

I know some of you balked at the word excellence. Exchange if for talent, skill, importance, beauty, etc.

For the next hour I give you permission, no, I demand, you list out all the things that you do well. Whether it is making pancakes, soothing a baby, dancing, meditating, or making people happy, write it down.

Next to each item, write down, on a scale from 1-10, how happy you are when you are doing these things.

Those things that are 8+, those things you need to do more of.

I don’t care if it doesn’t earn you money. I don’t care if you don’t think it is important, or that your family doesn’t really like it.

Do more of it.

You are awesome, and it is time that you proudly own up to that!

What are Your Rules?

We all have rules. I’m not talking about rules for games, for driving, for ordering food, for things that are already structured. Those are rules GIVEN to us by a government, job, or establishment.

I’m talking about your own personal set of rules. The ones you don’t even remember creating, but the ones you live your entire life by.

And rules are great. I’m not knocking them! But like most things I blog about, you need to KNOW you HAVE rules before you can truly understand your actions.

Here is how rules play out:

You meet someone you might be interested in dating. How do you know you might be interested? You start to catalog all the rules you have in your head about what makes someone worth dating or starting a relationship with.

  • Are they outwardly attractive? Check.
  • Are they taller than me? Check.
  • Does their appearance suggest they bath regularly, brush their teeth, and are healthy? Check.
  • Are they employed? Do they seem educated? Are they nice to people in the service industry? Do they like animals? Do they swear? Are they of the same or compatible religion?

And on and on it goes.

That person you know that keeps getting into those AWFUL relationships, who should freaking know better by now, that person has a weak set of rules. Their checklist is either way too small or filled with insignificant or superficial things.

Want to stop dating losers? Develop a checklist with more and better questions.

Tired of being alone? Maybe your checklist is too stringent.

This is great, but if you aren’t in the dating and mating game, why care?

woman_checks_it_off_her_list_500_clr_12483Because you have a checklist for your life.

  • Rules to tell if you are in fact healthy.
  • Rules to see if you are making ‘enough money’.
  • Rules for arguing.
  • Rules for living your life.
  • Rules for telling if someone is a good person.
  • Rules for whether you are a good parent.
  • Rules for whether your kids are good kids.

If you are unhappy, if you are not where you want to be or simply want more/different, then check out your rules.

They may need an upgrade.

Or a downgrade.

 

 

You’re in the Wrong Headspace

You can have the BEST goals.

You can have ALL the tools.

The most amazing support system available.

But if your head, if your mindset is not where it needs to be, it won’t matter.

You’ll find yourself taking two steps forward and one step back.

Over and over again, until you are so frustrated, you just give up your dreams.

But you know this already. Because you’ve done it before.

Or maybe you were on the sidelines and saw someone who had all the ingredients for massive success, and they failed, big time.

They had the talent. They had people cheering them on, willing to sacrifice so that person could succeed. The time was right for them to shine. Maybe they showed up, but they weren’t really there.

The came in late or unprepared.

They were rude to the people they needed to impress.

They ‘forgot’ appointments.

They were making progress and then they ate an entire cheesecake and decide to justify it as a ‘cheat day’ or that it wasn’t a big deal.

They decided to take up a drug or drinking habit.

And you were left scratching your head and wondering why they (or maybe you), were doing this.

Mindset.

Whether you believed you could or couldn’t achieve that goal, whether you should or should not achieve that goal, or what you thought was on the other side of that goal all impact the progress you are making.

Until you get that part right, not much is going to happen. You’ll have some success, but you’ll sabotage it as soon as you can. You’ll downplay how awesome it is. You’ll change your goals just as you are making progress. You’ll blame others.

Are you ready to stop it?

 

What Are You Getting Out of It?

Just to be clear, I suffer from this too. I’m working every day to improve my motivation and my drive and here are some of my discoveries. 

Facebook scrolling for hours.

YouTube watching for hours.

Mindlessly watching the t.v. for hours.

Sleeping way longer than you really need to.

Playing games on your phone or on a console.

And I’m going to include recreational drug use on this list too.

What are you getting out of these activities? Don’t be fooled, you are getting something out of it, otherwise, you wouldn’t be doing it. But what you are getting out of it more than what you think.

It is not the entertainment that you get from these things. Certainly, for the social media/tv you start out at entertainment, but 3 or 7 hours later, it has gone beyond that. Sleeping and drugs give a clue to what you are doing – you are escaping your reality.

To make everything just that much more complex, you are getting a ‘reward’ every time you play a game and get a point, every *ping* on your phone that signals another message, every conclusion to a program, gives you a sense of pleasure.

At our heart, we are a bunch of pleasure-seeking impulsive creatures.  We move towards pleasure and away from pain.

But sometimes we get it twisted. The pain of doing something for the first time, or being uncertain feels greater than the pleasure we get from doing nothing for hours on end.

There are number of avoidance techniques, from telling ourselves stories (we’ll get to it later), we minimize the importance (it isn’t that big of a deal if I don’t do it), to outright lying to ourselves (I know that I’ll just screw it up so why bother?), we employ to get out of doing what we need to be doing.

What is your technique for getting out of it?

 

 

 

Words Have Power – Be Thoughtful

We know that words have power.

Can’t yell “fire” in a crowded theater, can we?

Certainly, you should refrain from calling people names.

We all know this, and yet we are still so very careless with our language.

We use words like “never” “always” “Everything” “can’t” “shouldn’t” without thinking.

“I never get what I want” is a lie. You have received what you needed before; you are alive, correct? So the needs of water, food, air, even basic shelter were received. You probably receive every day, and yet you don’t acknowledge or notice it because you’ve already convinced yourself you just don’t get.

I’m always amused when people say, “I never got any help.”  Yes, yes you did! Someone took care of you after you were born. You received at least minimal care. Someone taught you to speak, walk, read, write. Took care of you when you were sick. Someone processed paperwork on your behalf. Someone referred people to you or gave you a reference. You got plenty of help. You did nothing alone!

Words have power. They are powerful.

Mind what you say every day. You may need to change your words.

figures_jumbled_v_concise_thinking_800_wht_19439

“Everything is so difficult” is disempowering. It does not help you on your journey.

“Every day, things get easier.”

Read those two statements out loud. How do you feel when you read them? Did anything shift inside you?

What if every day you chose to believe that things were good and geting better? That you had control over your world and how you felt?

Would that be empowering?

You Are Out of Time

Today leads tomorrow, that leads to the next day, that flows into a week, into a month, into a year, into a decade, into a lifetime. We know this right?

Depending on where on the age spectrum you are, you may go from nodding your head to rolling your eyes and exclaiming how quickly time goes.

I’m in the latter category.

Wasn’t it just 2005?

How could it be Spring already?

Why is time speeding by?

I saw this quote the other day and I stopped. I was terrified.

three equal  persons  hiding his face with a cloud, conceptual image

How would you act if you knew you only had another 10 years?

What would you give up? What would you do differently?

Sit down and be uncomfortable with this thought for a while.  What are you putting up with that would intolerable if you knew, 100% certain that it your life would be over soon?

What are you missing out on?

What are you wishing you did, said, went?

Now, what is your action plan?

You Need Some Support

Who is on your team?

I know it seems that your goals are your own and you can do it alone, and maybe you can, but why?

People love you and want to help you succeed.

Let them.

I’ve written about this before, but because it is so important (and let’s face it, you probably didn’t listen to me), I’m writing about it again.

stick_figures_team_puzzle_800_clr_7003

You need to assemble a Super-Team. They are your support system for achieving everything.  Now everyone will have slightly different requirements, but I think everyone needs the following:

The Comforter – this is the person you call when things have gone from sugar to sh*!. They will tell you everything is okay, that you will be alright, and that it isn’t as bad as it seems. Mostly, they give you the hug and cookie on a bad day.

The Tough Lover – this person is going to tell you the hard, unvarnished truth. It might hurt your feelings, but they do this out of love. They are unflinchingly truthful. Go to this person when you need your butt kicked, when you know you’ve been lazy, and need someone to call you on your antics.

The Business/Goal Adviser – this person is the one with the business information you need or is the one who has accomplished your goal. Perhaps this person is your idol or ideal. They can help you navigate when things get tricky in the pursuit of your goal.

The Break Friend – this is a great person to have in your group. They are the ones who will tell you are taking everything too seriously and will get you to take an hour off for lunch, a movie, or even a weekend get away. Be cautious! Too much time with this person can mean less focus on your goals and too much time playing. Time away is important, but moderation is the key.

The Coach – This is usually the paid person in your group. People shy away from the expense, but let’s be real, when you spend money you are generally serious. You’ll listen to their advice because you paid for it! The Coach will make you think and help you see things from a different direction.

Accountabl-a-buddy – This can be done by The Coach or not. This is the person who you tell that you will do something and then actually do it. I have a yoga buddy. Every day, she and I send a Facebook message stating we did yoga and how much.

Accountability doesn’t always seem sexy or necessary, but for most, knowing that someone is going to say/write, “Did you x today?” is powerful.

One word of caution when selecting an Accountability partner, make sure they are as committed to their goals as you are to yours. If you don’t hear from them daily (or whatever your schedule is), if they don’t ask you if you’ve done your activity, they won’t be effective in keeping you on track.

Who can you add to your team?

 

Big, Medium, Small & Tiny Goals

I want another word for goals.

When we talk goals, inevitably we talk about significant things, life-changing things, big things.  If what we want isn’t “big enough” we don’t call it a goal.

And if we don’t call it a goal, then all the resources, attention, and desire seems to get washed away.

What if you want to downsize and get rid of unwanted and unused items? Is that a goal or does it get regulated down to the “Things to Do” list?

If it is a goal, you have strategies in place. You know to visualize, to put time on your schedule, to ask yourself why this is important and what you will get out of it (thus motivating yourself), you think about possible obstacles and how you can overcome them, and line up your resources.

That stuff doesn’t happen if it is just a ‘to-do’ item.

character_with_custom_clipboard_17708So let’s have some fun and re-define or at least get clear on types of goals out there.

You probably have (or should have) a variety of goals –

Major Goals: These are goals so big they change the entire landscape of your life. Getting married or divorce, moving to another state or country, having a child, starting a new career or get your degree.

Big Things: Those that take 1+ years to accomplish and are, well, big. Things like earn a million dollars or lose 50lbs+ or go back to school.

Milestone: A significant step towards achieving your Big or Major goal.  Losing the first 10 lbs or completing the first class towards your degree. Even the first week or month without a cigarette.

Action Items: These are goals that you can accomplish in one-step or one action. They are important, so don’t discount that they are done quickly as something that isn’t worth your time or your resources. Action goals can be buying something that you need but have been putting off, especially if it has to do with a Big Goal or Major Goal, or cleaning out your closet, or even self-care items like getting your hair done or getting a massage.

Mini-Items: These are almost insignificant things that need to be done but you have been putting off. These are not honey-dos or to-dos, they are associated in some way with your other goals.  Cleaning your house would not be considered a mini-goal unless this is the first step towards getting your house ready so you can sell it.

 

 

Do you REALLY want it?

Commitment (insert some old school joke here).

How committed to success are you?

It is easy to say you want something. You may tell people, conversationally, how you want to be:

  • Thinner
  • Healthier
  • Wealthier
  • More community minded
  • More devout

But do you really?

Here is a test to see if you are really committed to your goal. Did you work on it today? How about yesterday?

Did you write it down in your fancy planner or a slip of paper? Did you tell a friend, co-worker or family member that you couldn’t do something because you were going to work on your goal?

Did you actually do more than that?

I’m not judging! Truly! I’m sitting here looking at my notebook and transferring two activities that will get me closer to my goal. Yep, transferring them from my notes yesterday because I didn’t work on them.

I looked at it. Thought about it. Didn’t do it.

You’ve done that, right? 

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You felt the frustration and anger at yourself for not just doing it! It might not even be that big of an activity.  It may seem minor, might not even take time, but still, it sits there.

Mocking you. Reminding you that you didn’t do it. That it still needs to be done. That nothing will change until you do it.

Here is your challenge. And just to be clear, I’m going to do this too. Think of it as an experiment. I want to hear on tomorrow’s blog if you did it and if it worked for you.

Set up a timer and I want you to visualize yourself starting this task. Put a lot of energy and emotion into. Positive stuff only! Let yourself feel how happy you are at doing this. How relieved you feel by taking action. How proud of yourself doing it. How much easier it is than you thought it would be.

Then think about being in the middle of the activity. Things are going great! Everything is way better than you thought.

Now, I want you to feel all the happiness and sense of accomplishment at finishing it. Yes, it might be a small piece of a much larger goal, but I want you to celebrate it! Let yourself feel all the positive emotion.

Open your eyes, breath in and out deeply, and start to work on your goal.

I’ll update you tomorrow!

Step 1

I’m patting myself on my back. Day 2 and I’ve actually sat down and started to write.

What is a journey to discovery without some progress? Standing still in the exact place you were before.

Which I have been doing.

Which I don’t want to do anymore.

Which is the whole point of this blog.

I know you’ve been there before. Chances are you are reading this because this is where you are now and like me, you are looking for answers.

We want there to be a magic button. A 100% fool-proof method that would turn your hopes and dreams into actual achievements.

And like me, you’ve probably made some half-hearted attempts. Watched the motivational videos of Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins, and read the blogs of Kat Loterzo (my personal favorite kick-butt woman and one of the reasons I’m doing this) or Barbara Cochran (real estate and Shark Tank panelist) and it feels like it is just in reach.

But either you don’t reach or your arms aren’t long enough.

They seem so far ahead of you. They seem to know something you don’t know. Have some magical power that you are lacking.

So you stop. Or you start and falter. But this time is going to be different. For both of us.

How? I’m figuring that out right now. I’ll push you and you’ll push me. Eventually, we’ll get somewhere or figure out why we aren’t.

Let’s do this. Step 2 is going to have some homework so check back in. Business woman celebrates successful deal at office. Business People

Here is some semi-inspiring stock photo (I paid for it thank you very much) of how fabulous and happy you’ll be for checking back in for the next blog.

Your Thoughts are (are not) your Reality

Confused by the title of this blog? You are (are not) your thoughts. How can two opposing things be real?

Everything a person sees and reacts to is because of their philosophy of life. Their thoughts, that running commentary of what they see and believe, is actually constructing reality. 

Let me explain with an example. There was an unpleasant woman who worked with a boyfriend of mine. Everything in the world, according to her, was terrible. People were awful, everything sucked, life was unfair.

I happened to see her in the ladies’ room and I said to her, “That is a lovely necklace you are wearing.” Her respond? A very sour, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I like your necklace.”

“Oh, sure,” she said sarcastically.

Later she told someone I was a bitch.

Her thoughts created her belief and that is the filter that she used to weigh every experience. And every experience, no matter what it was, was always twisted to fit her beliefs.

In her mind, her belief that everyone is a terrible person created reality. But the reality was not she believed.

By the way, I was sincere about the necklace, it was lovely.

Your thoughts are and are not reality.

Decide how you want to receive the world and experience.  Make your own reality and make it a good one.

Mindset Ready? Go!

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Focus on What Can Be Changed

I have a friend who is hyper-focused on the President of the United States. She spends time reading articles (some of them from dubious sources) and posting on Facebook arguing.

She is extremely passionate and vocal about this President and the policies from the administration. Which wouldn’t usually be a bad thing as I believe all Americans should show interest and be interested in our political system.

The real issue is that she is struggling with paying her bills. She is disconnected from her family. Her health is poor. But that is not where her attention and time goes.

Power and Powerlessness

We humans are funny beings. Whenever we feel out of control of a situation, we tend to focus on situations where we have little to no power. Which makes no sense. If we have no control, why are we focusing our attention there?

The areas of our life where we can immediately affect change and bring about massive differences is what we ignore. Instead, we feed off of the powerlessness of another situation.

Those that achieve their dreams and conquer their goals are those that know to focus their attention on what they can change.

Where have you been focusing your attention? What immovable object have you been trying to move while ignoring the things you can impact?

That changes today. Review where your attention has been focused and decide whether you have the power to make massive changes RIGHT NOW or not. If you can’t, move on.

Mindset Ready? Go!

 

Not Me.

I was sitting with a new friend chatting about a business that I just launched. The conversation was mostly centered around some issues that I’m having and my frustration that I wasn’t further along and making more money.

He looked at me and asked, “How long have you had the business?”

“Three months. But since it operates as a pop-up, we’ve done business for 15 days.”

“Candy. It takes most businesses three years to turn a profit.”

I looked at him and my inner toddler stamped her feet, crossed her arms, and thought, “but they aren’t me!”

Am I being unrealistic in my expectations? Perhaps. Intellectually I understand he is correct. Launching a business, even a pop-up takes time to build and a lot of resources. Everything costs money to start. As a business owner, you’ll spend money that you don’t have in anticipation of getting money.

Emotionally, I stand by my inner toddler. I can and will make this business profitable as soon as possible. I don’t want to wait. Three years is too long. If I work hard and smart; if I’m willing to do anything necessary to make it work, it will work.

I relate this story because on the path to your dreams, there will be a time when reality, expectation, and desire for success will clash. The decision about what to do next will ultimately be yours.

Mindset ready? Go!

Things You Need to Know About Pursuing Your Goals

I don’t know everything. I know some things.  The things I know are based on the life I have lived. The things you know may be different. Perhaps what I know can help you. Maybe it won’t. Maybe it just pushes you to think harder about things.

  1. There will always be someone who will tell you shouldn’t do it (whatever ‘it’ is). They will say you aren’t enough, you are unreasonable, no one else has done it, others have done it and failed, too many people are already doing it. They will invent scenarios in which you die alone, penniless, shunned, and unloved.
  2. You get to decide who you believe. At times, that means you have to ignore the voices in your head or the feelings in your gut that broadcast loud and clear that it is NOT the time to pursue this goal. That failure is certain.
  3. There will be days when you want to quit. Days when you almost quit. Days when you feel stupid for not quitting.
  4. Comparisons will be drawn and you will come out unfavorably. Friends will go on vacation, buy great things, have amazing experiences, while you sacrifice, work all hours, budget, scrimp, bypass fun things to do necessary things. Jealous and envy will bubble up in you and that will make you feel like a bad person.

Every day, occasionally every hour, you get to decide to soldier on and continue on your path.  You can stop. You can pause. You can re-evaluate until you die. These are all your choices.

You also get to live with the consequences.

So what are you going to do?

Mindset ready? Go!

Is the Good Better than the Bad?

In the pursuit of goals, there will always be some action that a person hesitates to take. Although it is a necessary one, they procrastinate, try to find a loophole, or ignore the action.

That action is different for everyone.

The person who wants to lose weight might not change their diet.

The person trying to pay off all debts won’t stop gambling or reduce entertainment costs.

The business person who wants to increase profits might not want to make cold calls or make sales.

It doesn’t matter because to fully achieve the goal, it needs to be done.

How does a person overcome this hesitation?

The first step is to acknowledge there is something that a person has been avoiding.

Then pull out the trusty journal and begin writing:

What is the risk of performing this action?

What is the potential reward of performing this action?

Set a timer to really push into the truth and spend a minimum of five minutes on answering both of these questions.

The risk of performing the action

Action being avoided – making sales calls

  • People will yell at me
  • People will hang up on me
  • I’ll feel awkward and embarrassed
  • I won’t know what to say and feel stupid
  • I’ll waste my time

The potential reward of taking action

  • Will increase clients to the business
  • Will increase income
  • Easy financial stress
  • Pay off credit cards/debts

It is easy to see that the rewards far, far outweigh the risks.

Wasn’t that easy? I would recommend taking this information, printing it out, and having it visible. The moment a hesitation to perform the action occurs, review all the potential rewards.

Mindset ready? Go!

What Are You Ignoring?

Stop. That thing, that topic, that action that needs to be taken; the one you’ve been ignoring or avoiding?

It is integral to success.

No one wants to hear that. We want to think we can avoid the hard parts, the parts that make us cringe, doubt our ability or our sanity; push it away, and it will go away, undone but somehow complete.

That is not how the world works. Whatever the action that needs to be taken, it needs to be taken. Self-explanatory.

To get to the other side of the hill, a person has to get to the other side of the hill.

Money doesn’t just appear. Opportunities don’t pop up and magically unfold. The weight doesn’t drop off to be replaced with muscles and vitality. Children don’t discipline themselves and become great people.

Doing the things that need doing, even when you don’t feel like it. Even when it seems impossible, even when it seems repulsive, is what gets the work done and achieves the success.

Nobody wants to hear that message. I don’t want to be the one who writes it. But it needed to be done.

🙂

Mindset Ready? Go!

Doubt is Anchor

The moment a person doubts their ability to accomplish or do anything, they have effectively placed an anchor on themselves.

This anchor works like a real anchor. It keeps the person in place or at the least make any forward progression arduous and difficult.

This anchor grows in size and weight every time a person repeats the doubt, imagines scenarios that confirm the doubt, and each time the doubt stops the person from acting.

Everyone has doubts. The difference between people who achieve and those that don’t is how each person reacts AFTER having the doubt.

High achievers have doubts, and they look for evidence to show them it isn’t real.  They look for solutions for the problems that doubt shows them. Even with the uncertainty, they have faith that their goal is possible for them and act anyway.

They feel the doubt and do it anyway. 

The moment doubt and uncertainty enter a person’s brain, they have a choice. Give power to the doubt – feed it with more and more evidence (even false evidence), dwell on it, stop all activity and it doubles. It grows like cancer.

Make a vow now to feel the doubt and act anyway. No, it won’t be easy, but it will get you closer to your goal.

Mindset Ready? Go!

Track Your Progress

One of the most frustrating aspects of going after a BIG goal is feeling as if there is no progress being made.

All the teeny-tiny steps that are taken every day in the pursuit of the goal seem to get washed away. Because they were so small, they seem not to even count. We get discouraged because we don’t see any noticeable results.

I’ve been reading the Morning Miracle and Your Best Year Ever and one of the things they recommend is starting a chain!

The chain is an easy thing that anyone can create on their computer or even a notebook. It is the simple concept of keeping track of the actions that made that lead to a goal.

Below is a super simple example. The numbers are the days of the month. I add on the first column all the things that I want to accomplish on a regular basis.


goal chain

A simple X marks what has been done. A “0” is when that activity hasn’t been done.  After a month, it is a quick visual example of what was done. Even more so, it shows progress! If there are too many “0”s (too many is a personal choice), then a person can determine what can be done.

goal chain2

 

It Is Going To Get Messy

I have a hard truth to tell – it is going to get messy.

Life is messy. Frequently frustrating and heartbreaking. Annoyingly uncooperative. Very few things are a straight line to success.

But that is okay. Because if you know this and ACCEPT it,  then plans can be made and expectations managed.

Which makes the mess, not so messy.

Even better, the urge to throw up hands and just walk away from the goal is less likely to happen.

I recently started a brand new business.  For two years, I worked on a business plan, walked away (due to the amount of money needed) and walked back towards it in a much lesser version.

Even with all the prep, I sat myself down and told myself, “Even with all the prep, there are things I don’t know. Things I can’t know or prepare for until I’m knee or neck deep. That is okay. I will be frustrated and overwhelmed. This is the right path, this is right for me, and no matter what, it will work out.”

(Yes, I give myself pep talks! Don’t judge!)

And I was 100% right. It wasn’t until I was knee, waist, and neck deep that I came up to some significant issues. Things had I not been prepared to be blindsided I would have just cried and given up. But I didn’t. I was able to shrug, figured this was what I expected, and went about solving the problem.

The biggest gift I can give you today is this – there will be minor and major roadblocks to the path of success. Days when it seems so complicated and impossible, it just can’t happen. Prepare yourself mentally now. Be ready to plow through those problems, clean up the mess and triumph.

You’ve got this!

Mindset Ready? Go!

Happiness is…

What makes a person happy?

Is it a thing? Is it reaching a goal? Almost.

For a moment buying something or reaching a goal will cause a feeling of euphoria and happiness, but that feeling fades.

Don’t believe me? Think back to a time when something was highly anticipated. Maybe that new bike for Christmas, the game console, the wedding day, the bump in salary, the new house. All the work and desire for that moment and for one blinding moment it was everything.  There was a burst of happiness in the achievement.

Fast forward a day, a week, a month. Whatever caused that burst of happiness has simmered down into contentment or has become so commonplace it is barely noticed anymore.

I would watch the Olympics and see the joy shining on the faces of the people who won medals. All the hard work, all the sacrifice, all that devotion lead them to the pinnacle of success. And I always thought, what do they do now? If they had devoted their lives to that achievement, what do they do the next day?

Do they live off the happiness of that moment forever? Probably not.

So if it isn’t the actual achievement of the goal that brings happiness, what does?

Effort and progress. I believe that every day that a person can feel as if they have made progress, no matter how small towards the realization of some goal, they will achieve happiness.

Which means, every day, make some effort, no matter how minor, towards the realization of your goals, and happiness will be yours.

Don’t believe me? Here are the some links to consider.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-delay/200806/goal-progress-and-happiness

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/10/06/tony-robbins-this-is-the-secret-to-happiness-in-one-word.html

 

Does Progress Equal Happiness?