What Exactly Is Holding You Back?

What exactly is holding you back from pursuing your goals?

Or from doing the daily actions that will get you where you want to go?

It isn’t what you think.

How do I know? Because we, people in general, lie to ourselves all the time. We are really very good at it. We don’t even know we are doing it.

Before we go much further, I need you to accept this truth: Your mind wants you to be right. If you say you are unlucky, your mind is going to show you all the many ways you are unlucky. Whatever you believe, you are guaranteed to find evidence to support it. Anything that doesn’t, you’ll either ignore it or dismiss it with some excuse.

Got it?

We have a set standard for excuses:

No money/not enough money/too costly/can’t afford it

No time/too busy

Timing is wrong/later would be better/just not right now

I can do it on my own/I don’t need help/I’ve got this

Sound familiar? Yeah, we’ve all used those.

How do you separate the things that aren’t truly right for you to do and those opportunities that are exactly what you need, but fear is keeping you from moving forward?

Here is a set of question to help you navigate through –

Would you do it if money wasn’t an issue? If your response is anything but yes or no – meaning just the thought of having the money to do it sends you into a tailspin of making excuses – then you know it isn’t about the money.

How much time would it take to do this? Specifically. How much time a month, week, day? What are you doing that isn’t productive (think TV) that you would be able to stop in order to get this done.

When would be the right time? If the only answer you have is later – it is an excuse. If you have a specific time – after the kids are grown, after the holidays, etc., get out your calendar and write it down that on this day specifically, after the event is past, you’ll start.

Sub-question: If you missed this opportunity because you decided to delay, would you future be richer or poorer? If you think, it won’t matter – ask yourself why it wouldn’t matter?

If you are bootstrapping – doing it all on your own, refusing help, insistent that you can do it on your own, are you making measurable progress? Are you where you thought you’d be by now? If you could accelerate your results 2x, would that make an impact in your life?

(and if you answer it is the money, go back to the first question!)

Hope this helps you decide whether you are delaying for ‘real’ reasons or for other reasons.

 

You Have to Be Different

You are going to have to change.

Transform.

Convert.

Turn.

There is no way of getting around it. It will happen.

It has to happen.

If you want your goal. If your dream and your desire are strong, there is no way you can walk through the fire of everything that you need to do and not BE someone else.

And that is scary as hell. I totally get it.

I’m right there with you.

Terrified. Trying not to cling to the familiar, the safe alternative, the life you know, the routine that has been established.

The goal that you are pursuing, the dream that infects your every waking hour means you have to confront your fears.

Embrace the unknown.

Embrace the discomfort.

Embrace the fear – all the fear!

And trust that on the other side is the life you want now.

But you only get it when you shed the skin of your old life and being.

It is the only way.

As scary as it is.

But it is yours once you welcome the upcoming change.

 

 

Do You Think About The Other Side of It?

When you are going through the worse days, when everything seems to be collapsing around you, when each moment is a struggle to survive, where is your attention?

Obviously, you are focused on survival.

Cleaning up the mess.

Picking up and putting the pieces together.

Keeping yourself together.

Keeping the family, business, friends, together and sane.

But in the midst of all this, you need to put some attention on one more thing.

The future.

The idea that at some point this entire mess will be over, done, history, and that one day you will be sitting under that shade tree or in the sun, sighing in satisfaction and happiness, is essential.

Because it is the hope for the future, the knowledge that you WILL get through this that will help you endure and push through the mess you are going through. 

And if you can’t keep in your mind the calm after the storm, you fall into despair.

People who have achieved great things in this world focused on the brighter future. 

Those that rise from poverty and abuse, those that overcome disabilities and tragedies, they know that the future will be brighter and that this hell is only temporary. They will do what needs to be and endure because it is temporary.

I want that for you.

So when it seems too dark, know that the dawn is coming. Night does not last forever. It cannot. And hard times will be pushed back by good times.

You and will endure. You must.

 

Do You Know You’re Awesome?

Yes, being humble has its place.  But let me also remind you; don’t hide your light under a bushel.

I don’t know about men, but I know most women have been taught to be modest, humble, to deflect praise, or to minimize or even outright deny compliments.

“Oh, it wasn’t a big deal. Yes, I raised three children, worked 40 hour work weeks and raise $1.1 million for a charity all the while training for a triathlon, but it isn’t a big deal.”

Sound familiar? 

I’m going to ask you to stop it. At least for a little while. Because the things that you do and do well, are important.

And it is not “nothing”.

I teach a beginner’s firearm course for women called Girlfriend Gun Party. I’m always looking for attendees for these classes, and I have to convince women why they need this class and how important it is.

One of the things I say is, “You get a lot of great information about firearms and firearm safety, plus I’m funny as hell.”

I say it with a straight face and earnest. And every time I say it, the woman laughs.

I’m being truthful. I have lots of great stories, and I work on the jokes and the delivery. I get laughs (which I love).  It makes the women comfortable, and it is easier to learn.

Two years ago, I would never have complimented myself. I would never have told people that I was funny. Or a good shooter, or a great speaker, or an excellent trainer.

It felt wrong to do that. 

Who was I to have confidence in myself? Pride goes before a fall and all that.

But what is wrong with knowing what you are good at, especially if you work hard to be good at it?

Who wins when you downplay your excellence? 

I know some of you balked at the word excellence. Exchange if for talent, skill, importance, beauty, etc.

For the next hour I give you permission, no, I demand, you list out all the things that you do well. Whether it is making pancakes, soothing a baby, dancing, meditating, or making people happy, write it down.

Next to each item, write down, on a scale from 1-10, how happy you are when you are doing these things.

Those things that are 8+, those things you need to do more of.

I don’t care if it doesn’t earn you money. I don’t care if you don’t think it is important, or that your family doesn’t really like it.

Do more of it.

You are awesome, and it is time that you proudly own up to that!

What are Your Rules?

We all have rules. I’m not talking about rules for games, for driving, for ordering food, for things that are already structured. Those are rules GIVEN to us by a government, job, or establishment.

I’m talking about your own personal set of rules. The ones you don’t even remember creating, but the ones you live your entire life by.

And rules are great. I’m not knocking them! But like most things I blog about, you need to KNOW you HAVE rules before you can truly understand your actions.

Here is how rules play out:

You meet someone you might be interested in dating. How do you know you might be interested? You start to catalog all the rules you have in your head about what makes someone worth dating or starting a relationship with.

• Are they outwardly attractive? Check.
• Are they taller than me? Check.
• Does their appearance suggest they bath regularly, brush their teeth, and are healthy? Check.
• Are they employed? Do they seem educated? Are they nice to people in the service industry? Do they like animals? Do they swear? Are they of the same or compatible religion?

And on and on it goes.

That person you know that keeps getting into those AWFUL relationships, who should freaking know better by now, that person has a weak set of rules. Their checklist is either way too small or filled with insignificant or superficial things.

Want to stop dating losers? Develop a checklist with more and better questions.

Tired of being alone? Maybe your checklist is too stringent.

This is great, but if you aren’t in the dating and mating game, why care?

Because you have a checklist for your life.

• Rules to tell if you are in fact healthy.
• Rules to see if you are making ‘enough money’.
• Rules for arguing.
• Rules for living your life.
• Rules for telling if someone is a good person.
• Rules for whether you are a good parent.
• Rules for whether your kids are good kids.

If you are unhappy, if you are not where you want to be or simply want more/different, then check out your rules.

They may need an upgrade.

Or a downgrade.

 

 

You’re in the Wrong Headspace

You can have the BEST goals.

You can have ALL the tools.

The most amazing support system available.

But if your head, if your mindset is not where it needs to be, it won’t matter.

You’ll find yourself taking two steps forward and one step back.

Over and over again, until you are so frustrated, you just give up your dreams.

But you know this already. Because you’ve done it before.

Or maybe you were on the sidelines and saw someone who had all the ingredients for massive success, and they failed, big time.

They had the talent. They had people cheering them on, willing to sacrifice so that person could succeed. The time was right for them to shine. Maybe they showed up, but they weren’t really there.

The came in late or unprepared.

They were rude to the people they needed to impress.

They ‘forgot’ appointments.

They were making progress and then they ate an entire cheesecake and decide to justify it as a ‘cheat day’ or that it wasn’t a big deal.

They decided to take up a drug or drinking habit.

And you were left scratching your head and wondering why they (or maybe you), were doing this.

Mindset.

Whether you believed you could or couldn’t achieve that goal, whether you should or should not achieve that goal, or what you thought was on the other side of that goal all impact the progress you are making.

Until you get that part right, not much is going to happen. You’ll have some success, but you’ll sabotage it as soon as you can. You’ll downplay how awesome it is. You’ll change your goals just as you are making progress. You’ll blame others.

Are you ready to stop it?

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What Are You Getting Out of It?

Just to be clear, I suffer from this too. I’m working every day to improve my motivation and my drive and here are some of my discoveries. 

Facebook scrolling for hours.

YouTube watching for hours.

Mindlessly watching the t.v. for hours.

Sleeping way longer than you really need to.

Playing games on your phone or on a console.

And I’m going to include recreational drug use on this list too.

What are you getting out of these activities? Don’t be fooled, you are getting something out of it, otherwise, you wouldn’t be doing it. But what you are getting out of it more than what you think.

It is not the entertainment that you get from these things. Certainly, for the social media/tv you start out at entertainment, but 3 or 7 hours later, it has gone beyond that. Sleeping and drugs give a clue to what you are doing – you are escaping your reality.

To make everything just that much more complex, you are getting a ‘reward’ every time you play a game and get a point, every *ping* on your phone that signals another message, every conclusion to a program, gives you a sense of pleasure.

At our heart, we are a bunch of pleasure-seeking impulsive creatures.  We move towards pleasure and away from pain.

But sometimes we get it twisted. The pain of doing something for the first time, or being uncertain feels greater than the pleasure we get from doing nothing for hours on end.

There are number of avoidance techniques, from telling ourselves stories (we’ll get to it later), we minimize the importance (it isn’t that big of a deal if I don’t do it), to outright lying to ourselves (I know that I’ll just screw it up so why bother?), we employ to get out of doing what we need to be doing.

What is your technique for getting out of it?

 

 

 

Words Have Power – Be Thoughtful

We know that words have power.

Can’t yell “fire” in a crowded theater, can we?

Certainly, you should refrain from calling people names.

We all know this, and yet we are still so very careless with our language.

We use words like “never” “always” “Everything” “can’t” “shouldn’t” without thinking.

“I never get what I want” is a lie. You have received what you needed before; you are alive, correct? So the needs of water, food, air, even basic shelter were received. You probably receive every day, and yet you don’t acknowledge or notice it because you’ve already convinced yourself you just don’t get.

I’m always amused when people say, “I never got any help.”  Yes, yes you did! Someone took care of you after you were born. You received at least minimal care. Someone taught you to speak, walk, read, write. Took care of you when you were sick. Someone processed paperwork on your behalf. Someone referred people to you or gave you a reference. You got plenty of help. You did nothing alone!

Words have power. They are powerful.

Mind what you say every day. You may need to change your words.

“Everything is so difficult” is disempowering. It does not help you on your journey.

“Every day, things get easier.”

Read those two statements out loud. How do you feel when you read them? Did anything shift inside you?

What if every day you chose to believe that things were good and geting better? That you had control over your world and how you felt?

Would that be empowering?

You Are Out of Time

Today leads tomorrow, that leads to the next day, that flows into a week, into a month, into a year, into a decade, into a lifetime. We know this right?

Depending on where on the age spectrum you are, you may go from nodding your head to rolling your eyes and exclaiming how quickly time goes.

I’m in the latter category.

Wasn’t it just 2005?

How could it be Spring already?

Why is time speeding by?

I saw this quote the other day and I stopped. I was terrified.

How would you act if you knew you only had another 10 years?

What would you give up? What would you do differently?

Sit down and be uncomfortable with this thought for a while.  What are you putting up with that would intolerable if you knew, 100% certain that it your life would be over soon?

What are you missing out on?

What are you wishing you did, said, went?

Now, what is your action plan?

You Need Some Support

Who is on your team?

I know it seems that your goals are your own and you can do it alone, and maybe you can, but why?

People love you and want to help you succeed.

Let them.

I’ve written about this before, but because it is so important (and let’s face it, you probably didn’t listen to me), I’m writing about it again.

You need to assemble a Super-Team. They are your support system for achieving everything.  Now everyone will have slightly different requirements, but I think everyone needs the following:

The Comforter – this is the person you call when things have gone from sugar to sh*!. They will tell you everything is okay, that you will be alright, and that it isn’t as bad as it seems. Mostly, they give you the hug and cookie on a bad day.

The Tough Lover – this person is going to tell you the hard, unvarnished truth. It might hurt your feelings, but they do this out of love. They are unflinchingly truthful. Go to this person when you need your butt kicked, when you know you’ve been lazy, and need someone to call you on your antics.

The Business/Goal Adviser – this person is the one with the business information you need or is the one who has accomplished your goal. Perhaps this person is your idol or ideal. They can help you navigate when things get tricky in the pursuit of your goal.

The Break Friend – this is a great person to have in your group. They are the ones who will tell you are taking everything too seriously and will get you to take an hour off for lunch, a movie, or even a weekend get away. Be cautious! Too much time with this person can mean less focus on your goals and too much time playing. Time away is important, but moderation is the key.

The Coach – This is usually the paid person in your group. People shy away from the expense, but let’s be real, when you spend money you are generally serious. You’ll listen to their advice because you paid for it! The Coach will make you think and help you see things from a different direction.

Accountabl-a-buddy – This can be done by The Coach or not. This is the person who you tell that you will do something and then actually do it. I have a yoga buddy. Every day, she and I send a Facebook message stating we did yoga and how much.

Accountability doesn’t always seem sexy or necessary, but for most, knowing that someone is going to say/write, “Did you x today?” is powerful.

One word of caution when selecting an Accountability partner, make sure they are as committed to their goals as you are to yours. If you don’t hear from them daily (or whatever your schedule is), if they don’t ask you if you’ve done your activity, they won’t be effective in keeping you on track.

Who can you add to your team?

 

Big, Medium, Small & Tiny Goals

I want another word for goals.

When we talk goals, inevitably we talk about significant things, life-changing things, big things.  If what we want isn’t “big enough” we don’t call it a goal.

And if we don’t call it a goal, then all the resources, attention, and desire seems to get washed away.

What if you want to downsize and get rid of unwanted and unused items? Is that a goal or does it get regulated down to the “Things to Do” list?

If it is a goal, you have strategies in place. You know to visualize, to put time on your schedule, to ask yourself why this is important and what you will get out of it (thus motivating yourself), you think about possible obstacles and how you can overcome them, and line up your resources.

That stuff doesn’t happen if it is just a ‘to-do’ item.

So let’s have some fun and re-define or at least get clear on types of goals out there.

You probably have (or should have) a variety of goals –

Major Goals: These are goals so big they change the entire landscape of your life. Getting married or divorce, moving to another state or country, having a child, starting a new career or get your degree.

Big Things: Those that take 1+ years to accomplish and are, well, big. Things like earn a million dollars or lose 50lbs+ or go back to school.

Milestone: A significant step towards achieving your Big or Major goal.  Losing the first 10 lbs or completing the first class towards your degree. Even the first week or month without a cigarette.

Action Items: These are goals that you can accomplish in one-step or one action. They are important, so don’t discount that they are done quickly as something that isn’t worth your time or your resources. Action goals can be buying something that you need but have been putting off, especially if it has to do with a Big Goal or Major Goal, or cleaning out your closet, or even self-care items like getting your hair done or getting a massage.

Mini-Items: These are almost insignificant things that need to be done but you have been putting off. These are not honey-dos or to-dos, they are associated in some way with your other goals.  Cleaning your house would not be considered a mini-goal unless this is the first step towards getting your house ready so you can sell it.

 

 

How Do You Get Inspired To Action

I’ve been staring at the blinking cursor of my blog for about 10 minutes. Spent another 20 minutes playing on Facebook and scratching my cat’s ears as they block the screen.

I write a blog daily Monday through Friday. On Monday, I actually write two, because Tuesday morning I have a networking meeting during my normal writing time.

Point is, I’ve been pretty disciplined on sitting my butt down at a certain time and working.

But today, as I look at the screen, nothing is coming to mind. I have a laundry list of potential topics, yet none jump out at me, none inspire me.

What do you do to inspire you to perform?

And what is the difference between motivation and inspiration?

Inspire: fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.

Motive: something (such as a need or desire) that causes a person to act

To me, there isn’t much of a difference, is there to you? Either way neither is pushing me to filling these pages with something useful, something that you will read and go “Oh! that is why I do what I do. How easy, how brilliant!”

Challenge

This is a week-long challenge. I want you to discover what pushes you from the “I don’t feel like doing it” mind space, to the “Let’s get it done!” one.

Make a laundry list and keep that list where you can see it because when you get stuck in the doldrums where everything seems too hard, it’ll help snap you out of it.

Here is a short list of mine. Feel free to borrow it.

1. Walk outside with the dogs. Moving my body and changing locations always seems to spark something.
2. Get out and garden, same as the above, except at the end of it, I can see a measure of my time. Cleared space, raked leaves, the absence of weeds. Sometimes, I just like to know I can affect change.
3. Call up a fun friend and chat. Hearing a friendly voice and talking about what is going on helps.
4. Listen to an inspiring podcast or watch videos. Kat Loterzo being a favorite.
5. Read an inspirational book. This one I have to be careful with because I spiral toward just reading for hours and hours on end.

What do you do that inspires you to act?

Do you REALLY want it?

Commitment (insert some old school joke here).

How committed to success are you?

It is easy to say you want something. You may tell people, conversationally, how you want to be:

• Thinner
• Healthier
• Wealthier
• More community minded
• More devout

But do you really?

Here is a test to see if you are really committed to your goal. Did you work on it today? How about yesterday?

Did you write it down in your fancy planner or a slip of paper? Did you tell a friend, co-worker or family member that you couldn’t do something because you were going to work on your goal?

Did you actually do more than that?

I’m not judging! Truly! I’m sitting here looking at my notebook and transferring two activities that will get me closer to my goal. Yep, transferring them from my notes yesterday because I didn’t work on them.

I looked at it. Thought about it. Didn’t do it.

You’ve done that, right? 

You felt the frustration and anger at yourself for not just doing it! It might not even be that big of an activity.  It may seem minor, might not even take time, but still, it sits there.

Mocking you. Reminding you that you didn’t do it. That it still needs to be done. That nothing will change until you do it.

Here is your challenge. And just to be clear, I’m going to do this too. Think of it as an experiment. I want to hear on tomorrow’s blog if you did it and if it worked for you.

Set up a timer and I want you to visualize yourself starting this task. Put a lot of energy and emotion into. Positive stuff only! Let yourself feel how happy you are at doing this. How relieved you feel by taking action. How proud of yourself doing it. How much easier it is than you thought it would be.

Then think about being in the middle of the activity. Things are going great! Everything is way better than you thought.

Now, I want you to feel all the happiness and sense of accomplishment at finishing it. Yes, it might be a small piece of a much larger goal, but I want you to celebrate it! Let yourself feel all the positive emotion.

Open your eyes, breath in and out deeply, and start to work on your goal.

I’ll update you tomorrow!

Step 1

I’m patting myself on my back. Day 2 and I’ve actually sat down and started to write.

What is a journey to discovery without some progress? Standing still in the exact place you were before.

Which I have been doing.

Which I don’t want to do anymore.

Which is the whole point of this blog.

I know you’ve been there before. Chances are you are reading this because this is where you are now and like me, you are looking for answers.

We want there to be a magic button. A 100% fool-proof method that would turn your hopes and dreams into actual achievements.

And like me, you’ve probably made some half-hearted attempts. Watched the motivational videos of Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins, and read the blogs of Kat Loterzo (my personal favorite kick-butt woman and one of the reasons I’m doing this) or Barbara Cochran (real estate and Shark Tank panelist) and it feels like it is just in reach.

But either you don’t reach or your arms aren’t long enough.

They seem so far ahead of you. They seem to know something you don’t know. Have some magical power that you are lacking.

So you stop. Or you start and falter. But this time is going to be different. For both of us.

How? I’m figuring that out right now. I’ll push you and you’ll push me. Eventually, we’ll get somewhere or figure out why we aren’t.

Let’s do this. Step 2 is going to have some homework so check back in. 

Here is some semi-inspiring stock photo (I paid for it thank you very much) of how fabulous and happy you’ll be for checking back in for the next blog.

You Can’t Be Two-Headed

I was reading my favorite bloggess Katrina Ruth and her blog about Abundance when it struck me.

Something I already knew but finally knew.

You know?

You know how sometimes you know something, you’ve nodded your head in understanding, get the basic concepts, but just keep living your life as before, never externalizing or internalizing the thing you just heard?

Yes, that was/is me.

I just had some big life changes and there is a lot in flux. I have my own business which means money is sometimes there and sometimes not. But I always treat it as if it is going to disappear.

But if I treat it like is always going to disappear, if I don’t trust there will be more, that I can earn more, that I will always be taken care of, than how can I live in abundance? If I let fear live in me more than trust, won’t I always have fear and less and less trust?

How do you go from worrying about the scarcity of money and trusting that it will always be there when you need it?

Here are some of my methods (obviously a work in progress!), but I would love to hear how you banish fear and live in trust and abundance.

1. Journal about abundance and receiving
2. When I spend money, I say silently “I have more than enough”
3. I don’t restrict myself, but that doesn’t mean buying everything I see. I ask myself if I have a real need, how this fits with my life, and then plan to purchase it.
4. I track my money. Nothing fancy, just a spreadsheet. We all know that what you pay attention to grows, so I pay attention to my money.
5. Have trust and faith in myself, that no matter what, I will always be taken care of. That doesn’t necessarily mean money. But that feeling of safety and security for my soul is what I’m after.

How do you cultivate abundance?

Mindset ready? Go!

 

I Can’t Hear You – Your Actions Are Too Loud!

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say.”

I had an event coming up and an acquaintance referred me to a friend who they thought could help me. A quick phone call with her and I was delighted. She and I were on the same wavelength.

She was charming, open, and spoke at length about positive energy, Quantum Physics, the Laws of Attraction, and alignment. I felt as if she was ‘my people.’ I friended her on Facebook, and that is when it happened.

I started to see her posts almost immediately. Posts about how awful men are, how they will betray you; how terrible women are, how they are petty and spiteful; posts about how stupid people are, how everything is awful.

I had to check twice. Was this really the woman I spoke with at length and who I felt was like me?

Which version of her was I to believe was the true expression?

It is always easier to see the mote in your neighbor’s eye than the beam in yours. So take a moment to reflect on yourself.

What are you doing that incongruous with what you are saying?

Do you talk about living a healthy lifestyle, but still eat junk food?
Do you talk about loving relationships, but flirt more than casually with someone?
Do you talk about how important your relationship is with your kids, but never eat dinner with them or do things with them?
Do you talk about how important money is, but never take a class or read a book about building your wealth?

We all do it to some extent. Look deep at your actions in the last 48 hours, what are you doing that is out of alignment with what you say is important?

Mindset ready? Go!

 

Is There Balance?

I have no balance. Honestly.

If you are ever lucky enough to see me do yoga, you’ll find me falling over constantly.

Which got me thinking, is there really balance in life?

When a person balances they engage their core, their muscles strain, they wobble a bit, and it is a concerted effort to remain in position. Which is weird.

Because if you are in balance, shouldn’t it be natural? Shouldn’t it be effortless? Shouldn’t it be the way it is supposed to be?

But it is not. Balance for most means consciously thinking and adjusting themselves over and over to keep from falling over.

When someone talks about a work/life balance, I get antsy. There is no balance. People put time and effort and money into those things they find worthy. When they distribute their energy across too many fields, it throws them off balance. They juggle, trying to find time and energy and enthusiasm for everything. Which means that nothing gets their full attention or effort, so everything suffers, just a little.

How different would your world look if you only focused on three things in your life? What if you discarded or just put in minimal, sustainable efforts into everything else and just concentrate on three essential things?

Health
Relationship
Work
Spirituality
Community
We feel as if everything needs 100% of our attention and we go from one to another, trying to juggle it all.

And dropping some or all the balls.

What three things deserve your entire focus in the next 90 days? Can you push everything else aside to focus on that?

 

Journal Prompt

I’ll keep this short and sweet today.

Journal writing is not about writing about your problems, it is about seeing your ideal future and writing it as if it is already there.

It is about opening your eyes about who you are and what you want.

You can do free journaling where you just write what ever comes to your mind, but I find having prompts will guide you down paths you would never have thought to go down.

I urge you to set a timer (15-20 minutes) not to limit the time spent journaling, but to push past any barriers that would make you stop.

Here is your prompt:

I allow in to my life…

I allow myself to feel…

I allow myself to think…

I allow myself to be…

I allow…

Enjoy!

Mindset ready? Go!

You Have To Live Day to Day

The problem with getting to your goals is you have to live each and every day to get to the next day.

In case that isn’t clear, you have to live one day at a time. You can’t skip over a day or a week or month to magically be at your destination.

You can’t skip over so that you leave behind all the hurt, anger, frustration, and confusion you are currently experiencing.

Sometimes we want to skip over the ‘bad’ parts, the boring parts; the working ALL THE TIME, the sweating, the suffering, the head-banging confusion. The numbers that are unchanging on the scale, the bank account, the debt. Where the beautiful house and wonderful spouse and great kids don’t magically appear. Where the pain of heartbreak and chaos remains every day.

Who wants to live there? We all want to get to the ‘good’ part. The happiness, the joy, the accomplishment, the end of our goal.

Consider this for a second, that the journey is part of the goal. The transformation from where you were to where you want to be is the real purpose of the goal.

Does that change the perception of the ‘bad’ parts? Does that make it more bearable? More understandable?

Because the ‘bad’ parts are where life actually is. It is the location of your growth and purpose of being a person is. The testing of your mettle, the exposure of who you really are at your core.

Do This Now! Overcome Procrastination.

 

 

You’ve hesitated. You’ve outright STOPPED what you were doing to check out Facebook or Instagram. You’ve decided right before a breakthrough that you really need to start regrouting the bathroom.

There are dozens of reasons why people procrastinate, but for now, we aren’t even going to discuss why. It is not as important as taking action.

NOW.

It is going to seem strange that the best way to take massive action is to stop and take a quiet, contemplative moment.

This will be mind-active not body-active.

Did I mention to do this directly after you’ve read it? 

1. Sit down at some location that the kids/animals/spouse won’t bother you for about 5 minutes. You may have to tell them to back off for 5 minutes.
2. Take a deep breath or two. Make it a deep one you can feel in your entire body.
3. Close your eyes. What is it that you want to accomplish?
4. Focus on the end result. NOT the task.
   • How happy you are to start
   • How you feel as you move forward
   • The feeling of accomplishment when it is all done
   • The excitement and what this small step is doing for you
5. Make it real! Tap your foot, smile big, sing a little song, whatever you normally do when you are kicking butt and taking names.
6. Smile big, take another big breath, open your eyes and get to the task at hand.

 

This will work because instead of focusing on the task (and all the doubts and uncertainty) the focus is on the accomplishment, the after the task state that is desired.

 

When Did You Do Something For You?

When was the last time you did something just for you?

Not because it benefited the kids or the spouse. Not because the community needed it. Not because the house needed it.

Not because you needed it for a function or for a ‘real’ reason.

When was the last time you did something (selfishly) just for you?

Because you wanted it. Because you liked it. Because it made you smile.

Just because you wanted to fill your cup and do something just for you.

If you are a woman, you are told this is selfish. Self-centered. WRONG.

Afterall, your purpose on this earth is to serve others; spouse, kids, community, church, friends, family. NEVER you.

Who do you think you are!?

When was the last time you did something just for you? Think about. Right now, stop and think about it. Was it in the last year? Last 10 years? Ever?

We get so caught up in making everyone else’s life good, we forget about ourselves. We forget that we are deserving of beauty, the gift of time, fun, and excitement.

We have a hundred and one excuses why we simply can’t. Money and time being the most common. You can always make more money and time slips away.

My Mom, who is 80 wants to visit India. When I talk to her about selling her house and traveling to India, she tells me, “Later. The grandkids need…” She is eighty! When is later?

Your whole life can slip away and you’ll stand there, with your dishpan hands and your old out of date clothes looking at pictures of people who have had adventures and good times, and realized that there will always be laundry, dishes, bills, vacuuming, and the wants and needs of others.

But you, you are slipping away.

Find yourself.

Whatever that means to you.

Mindset ready? Go!

I Should Have Known

I should have known…and I did.

We’ve all experienced it. The moment when something happened and the first thought that flows through your brain is, “I knew it!”

That knowledge that is there, accessible to you, that is often ignored.

That voice in your head, not the Inner Critic, the other voice.

The soft voice that cautions you gently, not with dire warnings of death and failure and humiliation, but with a quiet, “wait.” or “something’s not right” or “be careful.”

It is the gentle encourager that whispers, “you know the answer,” “do it,” and “this is right.”

That is intuition. A powerful guiding force that somehow knows the right answer and action to everything.

What is intuition? Some believe it is God whispering in their mind, and others think that it is your unconscious mind picking up clues and providing answers.

Where it comes from doesn’t matter; what matters is that intuition has the power to guide you if you stay still and quiet enough to listen.

Oh, and to act on the advice and direction provided.

Want to be more intuitive?

Here is a journal prompt that is great to get more in tune with your inner guidance.

I trust my intuition to…
When I listen to my intuition, I…
My intuition tells me…
I recognize my intuition’s voice…

 

 

What Does A Burning Desire Mean?

I was listening to a motivational podcast (The Daily Boost), and the host quoted “If you have a burning desire, you will be successful.”

The phrase “burning desire” is something that I heard often, but I’m not a 100% certain what it means.

What is the difference between having a desire and a burning desire?

Is the burning desire so intense that it excludes everything else? Is it the sole focus and the primary reason for getting up in the morning?

Can you succeed with only desiring something and not having a burning desire? Are there shades of desire?

I believe anyone can achieve a goal set out and focused on, worked on, and have a sincere belief that it can and will be achieved.

For those that have a burning desire, they will achieve it faster and have more than others. It is their sole focus, but that doesn’t make it a good thing.

I keep thinking of the line from Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol” Belle, Ebenezer’s fiances says to him, “I have seen your nobler aspirations fall off, until the master passion, Gain engrosses you”.

A burning desire can be like that, but not necessarily with the negative impact.

You Don’t Know Until the End (and sometimes not even then)

I don’t think I have artist talent, but I love to doddle. I see the masterpieces that others effortlessly seem to make and sigh. To have that talent and skill is something I’m envious of.

I draw ZenTangles. If you haven’t heard of it, look it up. It is a form of mediation that uses drawing repetitive designs. ZenTangles are also perfect for those that don’t have the talent or skill to draw. If you can’t do the ‘ohm’ type of meditation, I highly recommend it.

One of the things that the inventor of ZenTangles remarked, was that you shouldn’t judge a ZenTangle before it was done and sometimes not even then. Wait awhile before looking at it and deciding whether you like it or not.

That is sage advice for life, for goals, and for ZenTangles.

I’m frequently on YouTube looking for new designs. Things to challenge me but also methods that I think my poor drawing skill can somehow manage.

I recently saw one that seemed simple enough and tried it out. One-third of the way through I hated it. I persisted. Halfway through, I thought it was awful. All I saw were mistakes and sloppy lines. I continued.

Three-fourths of the way, I thought, “This isn’t too bad” and stopped for the night. This morning I looked and I thought, “Wow, that is pretty amazing.”

Here it is.

How often in life are we starting something and are disheartened, discouraged, sure we made a big mistake? How often do we stop or trudge along, hoping and relying on faith that we are indeed on the right path?

And for those who do NOT give up, how often are we reward with the riches and beauty and knowledge when we push through until the end?

Each success can give us the strength when we are the weakness, we just need to remember that when we are 1/3 or 1/2 or 3/4 of the way done.

Mindset ready? Go!

(here are some more ZenTangles that I thought worked out!)