Eliminate Confusion -Set Goals

Hopefully, you have a list or at least one goal that you are trying to attain.

That goal should be specific, measurable and have a deadline.

Do you know why?

Having a written goal with all the details above eliminates confusion and makes your life easier when decisions have to be made.

Don’t you want an easier life?

How Not to Set Goals

Goal: Lose 10lbs.

Situation: Sally starved herself and lived on shakes until she lost 10lbs. The day after she confirmed that she lost 10lbs she ate an entire pizza to celebrate. In a matter of weeks, Sally gained all the weight back.

Reality: Sally achieved her goal! She wanted to lose 10lbs, and she did. Once that was accomplished she was free to go back to whatever weight she was or even more.

How To Set Strong Goals

Goal: Lose 10lb of unnecessary fat by doing fun and different exercises, eating healthy foods that I love, and enjoying the entire process. I will lose 10lbs or better by May 10th and keep the weight off for no less than 10 years. Losing the weight will mean I will have 50% more energy, sleep better than I am, have better sex, and be able to spend quality time with my children while showing them that living a healthy life is fun and easy to do.

Why the Goal: Not losing the weight means that I will be slow and sluggish, my children will copy my eating habits and will be unhealthy, unhappy, and struggle with self-esteem and their weight. It will mean I won’t be intimate with my husband because I will be self-conscious about my body, I will be depressed and unhappy every time I dress or undress, and I will die young and not spend my golden years with my family.

Goals can be written in any way you’d like. Put details into it. Put emotions into it. Make sure the benefits of long-term and short-term pain and pleasure are written out. You want a strong WHY for what you are doing. When days are hard, your goal written in this way is meant to push you past the pain and the fear into a better-envisioned future.

This is how a strongly written goal works to make life simpler.

Based on the above goal, Sally goes to a party. Her favorite food is there and everyone is eating it and moaning in pleasure.

Sally recalls her goals. Will eating this food take her to her goal that she wants or will it lead her to the negative consequences. Given the negative consequences are strong (they affect her children and their future as well as her own), she can resist the food by associating the negative consequences with the consumption of the food! Eating it would no longer provider her pleasure, eating it would recall all the potential pain in her future!

Review your current goals. Are they compelling? If you had a hard choice to make, would your current goals lead you in the direction you want?

If your current goals are not compelling with pleasure and pain, I suggest rewriting them now!

Mindset ready! Go!

What Exactly Is Holding You Back?

What exactly is holding you back from pursuing your goals?

Or from doing the daily actions that will get you where you want to go?

It isn’t what you think.

How do I know? Because we, people in general, lie to ourselves all the time. We are really very good at it. We don’t even know we are doing it.

Before we go much further, I need you to accept this truth: Your mind wants you to be right. If you say you are unlucky, your mind is going to show you all the many ways you are unlucky. Whatever you believe, you are guaranteed to find evidence to support it. Anything that doesn’t, you’ll either ignore it or dismiss it with some excuse.

Got it?

psychopath_knife_female_500_wht_18210

We have a set standard for excuses:

No money/not enough money/too costly/can’t afford it

No time/too busy

Timing is wrong/later would be better/just not right now

I can do it on my own/I don’t need help/I’ve got this

Sound familiar? Yeah, we’ve all used those.

How do you separate the things that aren’t truly right for you to do and those opportunities that are exactly what you need, but fear is keeping you from moving forward?

Here is a set of question to help you navigate through –

Would you do it if money wasn’t an issue? If your response is anything but yes or no – meaning just the thought of having the money to do it sends you into a tailspin of making excuses – then you know it isn’t about the money.

How much time would it take to do this? Specifically. How much time a month, week, day? What are you doing that isn’t productive (think TV) that you would be able to stop in order to get this done.

When would be the right time? If the only answer you have is later – it is an excuse. If you have a specific time – after the kids are grown, after the holidays, etc., get out your calendar and write it down that on this day specifically, after the event is past, you’ll start.

Sub-question: If you missed this opportunity because you decided to delay, would you future be richer or poorer? If you think, it won’t matter – ask yourself why it wouldn’t matter?

If you are bootstrapping – doing it all on your own, refusing help, insistent that you can do it on your own, are you making measurable progress? Are you where you thought you’d be by now? If you could accelerate your results 2x, would that make an impact in your life?

(and if you answer it is the money, go back to the first question!)

Hope this helps you decide whether you are delaying for ‘real’ reasons or for other reasons.

 

You Have to Be Different

You are going to have to change.

Transform.

Convert.

Turn.

There is no way of getting around it. It will happen.

It has to happen.

If you want your goal. If your dream and your desire are strong, there is no way you can walk through the fire of everything that you need to do and not BE someone else.

And that is scary as hell. I totally get it.

I’m right there with you.

Terrified. Trying not to cling to the familiar, the safe alternative, the life you know, the routine that has been established.

The goal that you are pursuing, the dream that infects your every waking hour means you have to confront your fears.

Embrace the unknown.

Embrace the discomfort.

Embrace the fear – all the fear!

And trust that on the other side is the life you want now.

But you only get it when you shed the skin of your old life and being.

It is the only way.

As scary as it is.

But it is yours once you welcome the upcoming change.

 

 

Do You Think About The Other Side of It?

When you are going through the worse days, when everything seems to be collapsing around you, when each moment is a struggle to survive, where is your attention?

Obviously, you are focused on survival.

Cleaning up the mess.

Picking up and putting the pieces together.

Keeping yourself together.

Keeping the family, business, friends, together and sane.

But in the midst of all this, you need to put some attention on one more thing.

The future.

The idea that at some point this entire mess will be over, done, history, and that one day you will be sitting under that shade tree or in the sun, sighing in satisfaction and happiness, is essential.

Because it is the hope for the future, the knowledge that you WILL get through this that will help you endure and push through the mess you are going through. 

And if you can’t keep in your mind the calm after the storm, you fall into despair.

People who have achieved great things in this world focused on the brighter future. 

Those that rise from poverty and abuse, those that overcome disabilities and tragedies, they know that the future will be brighter and that this hell is only temporary. They will do what needs to be and endure because it is temporary.

I want that for you.

So when it seems too dark, know that the dawn is coming. Night does not last forever. It cannot. And hard times will be pushed back by good times.

You and will endure. You must.

 

Do You Know You’re Awesome?

Yes, being humble has its place.  But let me also remind you; don’t hide your light under a bushel.

I don’t know about men, but I know most women have been taught to be modest, humble, to deflect praise, or to minimize or even outright deny compliments.

“Oh, it wasn’t a big deal. Yes, I raised three children, worked 40 hour work weeks and raise $1.1 million for a charity all the while training for a triathlon, but it isn’t a big deal.”

Sound familiar? 

I’m going to ask you to stop it. At least for a little while. Because the things that you do and do well, are important.

And it is not “nothing”.

I teach a beginner’s firearm course for women called Girlfriend Gun Party. I’m always looking for attendees for these classes, and I have to convince women why they need this class and how important it is.

One of the things I say is, “You get a lot of great information about firearms and firearm safety, plus I’m funny as hell.”

I say it with a straight face and earnest. And every time I say it, the woman laughs.

I’m being truthful. I have lots of great stories, and I work on the jokes and the delivery. I get laughs (which I love).  It makes the women comfortable, and it is easier to learn.

Two years ago, I would never have complimented myself. I would never have told people that I was funny. Or a good shooter, or a great speaker, or an excellent trainer.

It felt wrong to do that. 

Who was I to have confidence in myself? Pride goes before a fall and all that.

But what is wrong with knowing what you are good at, especially if you work hard to be good at it?

Who wins when you downplay your excellence?figure_5_of_5_stars_800_wht_18779 

I know some of you balked at the word excellence. Exchange if for talent, skill, importance, beauty, etc.

For the next hour I give you permission, no, I demand, you list out all the things that you do well. Whether it is making pancakes, soothing a baby, dancing, meditating, or making people happy, write it down.

Next to each item, write down, on a scale from 1-10, how happy you are when you are doing these things.

Those things that are 8+, those things you need to do more of.

I don’t care if it doesn’t earn you money. I don’t care if you don’t think it is important, or that your family doesn’t really like it.

Do more of it.

You are awesome, and it is time that you proudly own up to that!

What are Your Rules?

We all have rules. I’m not talking about rules for games, for driving, for ordering food, for things that are already structured. Those are rules GIVEN to us by a government, job, or establishment.

I’m talking about your own personal set of rules. The ones you don’t even remember creating, but the ones you live your entire life by.

And rules are great. I’m not knocking them! But like most things I blog about, you need to KNOW you HAVE rules before you can truly understand your actions.

Here is how rules play out:

You meet someone you might be interested in dating. How do you know you might be interested? You start to catalog all the rules you have in your head about what makes someone worth dating or starting a relationship with.

  • Are they outwardly attractive? Check.
  • Are they taller than me? Check.
  • Does their appearance suggest they bath regularly, brush their teeth, and are healthy? Check.
  • Are they employed? Do they seem educated? Are they nice to people in the service industry? Do they like animals? Do they swear? Are they of the same or compatible religion?

And on and on it goes.

That person you know that keeps getting into those AWFUL relationships, who should freaking know better by now, that person has a weak set of rules. Their checklist is either way too small or filled with insignificant or superficial things.

Want to stop dating losers? Develop a checklist with more and better questions.

Tired of being alone? Maybe your checklist is too stringent.

This is great, but if you aren’t in the dating and mating game, why care?

woman_checks_it_off_her_list_500_clr_12483Because you have a checklist for your life.

  • Rules to tell if you are in fact healthy.
  • Rules to see if you are making ‘enough money’.
  • Rules for arguing.
  • Rules for living your life.
  • Rules for telling if someone is a good person.
  • Rules for whether you are a good parent.
  • Rules for whether your kids are good kids.

If you are unhappy, if you are not where you want to be or simply want more/different, then check out your rules.

They may need an upgrade.

Or a downgrade.

 

 

You’re in the Wrong Headspace

You can have the BEST goals.

You can have ALL the tools.

The most amazing support system available.

But if your head, if your mindset is not where it needs to be, it won’t matter.

You’ll find yourself taking two steps forward and one step back.

Over and over again, until you are so frustrated, you just give up your dreams.

But you know this already. Because you’ve done it before.

Or maybe you were on the sidelines and saw someone who had all the ingredients for massive success, and they failed, big time.

They had the talent. They had people cheering them on, willing to sacrifice so that person could succeed. The time was right for them to shine. Maybe they showed up, but they weren’t really there.

The came in late or unprepared.

They were rude to the people they needed to impress.

They ‘forgot’ appointments.

They were making progress and then they ate an entire cheesecake and decide to justify it as a ‘cheat day’ or that it wasn’t a big deal.

They decided to take up a drug or drinking habit.

And you were left scratching your head and wondering why they (or maybe you), were doing this.

Mindset.

Whether you believed you could or couldn’t achieve that goal, whether you should or should not achieve that goal, or what you thought was on the other side of that goal all impact the progress you are making.

Until you get that part right, not much is going to happen. You’ll have some success, but you’ll sabotage it as soon as you can. You’ll downplay how awesome it is. You’ll change your goals just as you are making progress. You’ll blame others.

Are you ready to stop it?

 

What Are You Getting Out of It?

Just to be clear, I suffer from this too. I’m working every day to improve my motivation and my drive and here are some of my discoveries. 

Facebook scrolling for hours.

YouTube watching for hours.

Mindlessly watching the t.v. for hours.

Sleeping way longer than you really need to.

Playing games on your phone or on a console.

And I’m going to include recreational drug use on this list too.

What are you getting out of these activities? Don’t be fooled, you are getting something out of it, otherwise, you wouldn’t be doing it. But what you are getting out of it more than what you think.

It is not the entertainment that you get from these things. Certainly, for the social media/tv you start out at entertainment, but 3 or 7 hours later, it has gone beyond that. Sleeping and drugs give a clue to what you are doing – you are escaping your reality.

To make everything just that much more complex, you are getting a ‘reward’ every time you play a game and get a point, every *ping* on your phone that signals another message, every conclusion to a program, gives you a sense of pleasure.

At our heart, we are a bunch of pleasure-seeking impulsive creatures.  We move towards pleasure and away from pain.

But sometimes we get it twisted. The pain of doing something for the first time, or being uncertain feels greater than the pleasure we get from doing nothing for hours on end.

There are number of avoidance techniques, from telling ourselves stories (we’ll get to it later), we minimize the importance (it isn’t that big of a deal if I don’t do it), to outright lying to ourselves (I know that I’ll just screw it up so why bother?), we employ to get out of doing what we need to be doing.

What is your technique for getting out of it?

 

 

 

Words Have Power – Be Thoughtful

We know that words have power.

Can’t yell “fire” in a crowded theater, can we?

Certainly, you should refrain from calling people names.

We all know this, and yet we are still so very careless with our language.

We use words like “never” “always” “Everything” “can’t” “shouldn’t” without thinking.

“I never get what I want” is a lie. You have received what you needed before; you are alive, correct? So the needs of water, food, air, even basic shelter were received. You probably receive every day, and yet you don’t acknowledge or notice it because you’ve already convinced yourself you just don’t get.

I’m always amused when people say, “I never got any help.”  Yes, yes you did! Someone took care of you after you were born. You received at least minimal care. Someone taught you to speak, walk, read, write. Took care of you when you were sick. Someone processed paperwork on your behalf. Someone referred people to you or gave you a reference. You got plenty of help. You did nothing alone!

Words have power. They are powerful.

Mind what you say every day. You may need to change your words.

figures_jumbled_v_concise_thinking_800_wht_19439

“Everything is so difficult” is disempowering. It does not help you on your journey.

“Every day, things get easier.”

Read those two statements out loud. How do you feel when you read them? Did anything shift inside you?

What if every day you chose to believe that things were good and geting better? That you had control over your world and how you felt?

Would that be empowering?

You Are Out of Time

Today leads tomorrow, that leads to the next day, that flows into a week, into a month, into a year, into a decade, into a lifetime. We know this right?

Depending on where on the age spectrum you are, you may go from nodding your head to rolling your eyes and exclaiming how quickly time goes.

I’m in the latter category.

Wasn’t it just 2005?

How could it be Spring already?

Why is time speeding by?

I saw this quote the other day and I stopped. I was terrified.

three equal  persons  hiding his face with a cloud, conceptual image

How would you act if you knew you only had another 10 years?

What would you give up? What would you do differently?

Sit down and be uncomfortable with this thought for a while.  What are you putting up with that would intolerable if you knew, 100% certain that it your life would be over soon?

What are you missing out on?

What are you wishing you did, said, went?

Now, what is your action plan?

You Need Some Support

Who is on your team?

I know it seems that your goals are your own and you can do it alone, and maybe you can, but why?

People love you and want to help you succeed.

Let them.

I’ve written about this before, but because it is so important (and let’s face it, you probably didn’t listen to me), I’m writing about it again.

stick_figures_team_puzzle_800_clr_7003

You need to assemble a Super-Team. They are your support system for achieving everything.  Now everyone will have slightly different requirements, but I think everyone needs the following:

The Comforter – this is the person you call when things have gone from sugar to sh*!. They will tell you everything is okay, that you will be alright, and that it isn’t as bad as it seems. Mostly, they give you the hug and cookie on a bad day.

The Tough Lover – this person is going to tell you the hard, unvarnished truth. It might hurt your feelings, but they do this out of love. They are unflinchingly truthful. Go to this person when you need your butt kicked, when you know you’ve been lazy, and need someone to call you on your antics.

The Business/Goal Adviser – this person is the one with the business information you need or is the one who has accomplished your goal. Perhaps this person is your idol or ideal. They can help you navigate when things get tricky in the pursuit of your goal.

The Break Friend – this is a great person to have in your group. They are the ones who will tell you are taking everything too seriously and will get you to take an hour off for lunch, a movie, or even a weekend get away. Be cautious! Too much time with this person can mean less focus on your goals and too much time playing. Time away is important, but moderation is the key.

The Coach – This is usually the paid person in your group. People shy away from the expense, but let’s be real, when you spend money you are generally serious. You’ll listen to their advice because you paid for it! The Coach will make you think and help you see things from a different direction.

Accountabl-a-buddy – This can be done by The Coach or not. This is the person who you tell that you will do something and then actually do it. I have a yoga buddy. Every day, she and I send a Facebook message stating we did yoga and how much.

Accountability doesn’t always seem sexy or necessary, but for most, knowing that someone is going to say/write, “Did you x today?” is powerful.

One word of caution when selecting an Accountability partner, make sure they are as committed to their goals as you are to yours. If you don’t hear from them daily (or whatever your schedule is), if they don’t ask you if you’ve done your activity, they won’t be effective in keeping you on track.

Who can you add to your team?

 

Big, Medium, Small & Tiny Goals

I want another word for goals.

When we talk goals, inevitably we talk about significant things, life-changing things, big things.  If what we want isn’t “big enough” we don’t call it a goal.

And if we don’t call it a goal, then all the resources, attention, and desire seems to get washed away.

What if you want to downsize and get rid of unwanted and unused items? Is that a goal or does it get regulated down to the “Things to Do” list?

If it is a goal, you have strategies in place. You know to visualize, to put time on your schedule, to ask yourself why this is important and what you will get out of it (thus motivating yourself), you think about possible obstacles and how you can overcome them, and line up your resources.

That stuff doesn’t happen if it is just a ‘to-do’ item.

character_with_custom_clipboard_17708So let’s have some fun and re-define or at least get clear on types of goals out there.

You probably have (or should have) a variety of goals –

Major Goals: These are goals so big they change the entire landscape of your life. Getting married or divorce, moving to another state or country, having a child, starting a new career or get your degree.

Big Things: Those that take 1+ years to accomplish and are, well, big. Things like earn a million dollars or lose 50lbs+ or go back to school.

Milestone: A significant step towards achieving your Big or Major goal.  Losing the first 10 lbs or completing the first class towards your degree. Even the first week or month without a cigarette.

Action Items: These are goals that you can accomplish in one-step or one action. They are important, so don’t discount that they are done quickly as something that isn’t worth your time or your resources. Action goals can be buying something that you need but have been putting off, especially if it has to do with a Big Goal or Major Goal, or cleaning out your closet, or even self-care items like getting your hair done or getting a massage.

Mini-Items: These are almost insignificant things that need to be done but you have been putting off. These are not honey-dos or to-dos, they are associated in some way with your other goals.  Cleaning your house would not be considered a mini-goal unless this is the first step towards getting your house ready so you can sell it.

 

 

Do you REALLY want it?

Commitment (insert some old school joke here).

How committed to success are you?

It is easy to say you want something. You may tell people, conversationally, how you want to be:

  • Thinner
  • Healthier
  • Wealthier
  • More community minded
  • More devout

But do you really?

Here is a test to see if you are really committed to your goal. Did you work on it today? How about yesterday?

Did you write it down in your fancy planner or a slip of paper? Did you tell a friend, co-worker or family member that you couldn’t do something because you were going to work on your goal?

Did you actually do more than that?

I’m not judging! Truly! I’m sitting here looking at my notebook and transferring two activities that will get me closer to my goal. Yep, transferring them from my notes yesterday because I didn’t work on them.

I looked at it. Thought about it. Didn’t do it.

You’ve done that, right? 

changing_the_clock_400_clr_11186

You felt the frustration and anger at yourself for not just doing it! It might not even be that big of an activity.  It may seem minor, might not even take time, but still, it sits there.

Mocking you. Reminding you that you didn’t do it. That it still needs to be done. That nothing will change until you do it.

Here is your challenge. And just to be clear, I’m going to do this too. Think of it as an experiment. I want to hear on tomorrow’s blog if you did it and if it worked for you.

Set up a timer and I want you to visualize yourself starting this task. Put a lot of energy and emotion into. Positive stuff only! Let yourself feel how happy you are at doing this. How relieved you feel by taking action. How proud of yourself doing it. How much easier it is than you thought it would be.

Then think about being in the middle of the activity. Things are going great! Everything is way better than you thought.

Now, I want you to feel all the happiness and sense of accomplishment at finishing it. Yes, it might be a small piece of a much larger goal, but I want you to celebrate it! Let yourself feel all the positive emotion.

Open your eyes, breath in and out deeply, and start to work on your goal.

I’ll update you tomorrow!

Step 1

I’m patting myself on my back. Day 2 and I’ve actually sat down and started to write.

What is a journey to discovery without some progress? Standing still in the exact place you were before.

Which I have been doing.

Which I don’t want to do anymore.

Which is the whole point of this blog.

I know you’ve been there before. Chances are you are reading this because this is where you are now and like me, you are looking for answers.

We want there to be a magic button. A 100% fool-proof method that would turn your hopes and dreams into actual achievements.

And like me, you’ve probably made some half-hearted attempts. Watched the motivational videos of Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins, and read the blogs of Kat Loterzo (my personal favorite kick-butt woman and one of the reasons I’m doing this) or Barbara Cochran (real estate and Shark Tank panelist) and it feels like it is just in reach.

But either you don’t reach or your arms aren’t long enough.

They seem so far ahead of you. They seem to know something you don’t know. Have some magical power that you are lacking.

So you stop. Or you start and falter. But this time is going to be different. For both of us.

How? I’m figuring that out right now. I’ll push you and you’ll push me. Eventually, we’ll get somewhere or figure out why we aren’t.

Let’s do this. Step 2 is going to have some homework so check back in. Business woman celebrates successful deal at office. Business People

Here is some semi-inspiring stock photo (I paid for it thank you very much) of how fabulous and happy you’ll be for checking back in for the next blog.

Make Room For It

Are you making room for your new life?

Want a new life? Don’t you have an exciting goal you want to achieve?
When the goal is achieved, will your life look exactly as it looks now?

No! The whole point of a goal is to change a life! And room needs to be made in the current life to accommodate the new changes.

Want that sleek and strong body? Why hold on to ‘fat clothes’, the old routine of sleeping late, of complaining how fat and bad you feel?

To welcome the new life the old life needs to transform before the transformation happens. It is not only the faith that it will happen but also making room for the changes this is important.

If there is no room for the changes, how can they happen?

Want more money? Want a million dollars? Okay, have you figured out where you will invest the money? Who will be your financial advisor? Are you taking classes or reading books on wealth management? Do you even have a savings account?

Make room!

Look at your current list of goals. Where do you need to make room for them to happen?

Mindset Ready? Go!

Sometimes, you just have to trust

I foster dogs, mostly senior dogs. These dogs find themselves in a kill-shelter, and the stories vary from being dumped by people who don’t have time for them, owners who have been shipped off to a medical facility or senior care where they can’t have dogs, or just found wandering these streets.

When I get these dogs, I generally never know their true backstories. My job is to ensure that I provide a warm home, meals and fresh water, exercise and cuddle time until we can find them forever homes.

My latest foster dog is slightly different than the rest. He is so scared to trust. To trust that when I call him over, I won’t hit him. Scared that when I walk by him, I won’t kick him. Every day, I spend time on the floor with him, speaking in a high-pitched (and quite likely irritating voice), calling him a good dog and moving as slowly as I can.

I slowly reach out a single finger to his head and lightly touch him is the best he can stand without cowering. Every day, a few times a day, we repeat. After the initial scratch, he’ll move forward a scant inch, and I’ll scratch him some more. Repeat, repeat, repeat until he is almost on my lap and then I will pet him with my whole hand. He’ll flinch at the first contact.

But he is slowly learning to trust.

Can you identify a time in your life as you pursued your goals where you were slow to trust the good? Perhaps a bonus, extra money, or a raise came in, and you were scared to spend the money? Anxious that you would lose it. That you couldn’t really trust what you had.

When the weight came off unexpectedly easy, but a voice was saying it was only a fluke, there was no way to repeat that again.

What happens if we trust the good? Are we so fragile that if the good is temporarily removed, we won’t recover? That we are inviting ill will if we do believe and enjoy the abundance we are given?

By the way, if you are interested in fostering dogs, I highly recommend it. You will be saving a dog’s life (as they will be put to sleep if a foster or adopter can’t be found) and you’ll have the joy of knowing you helped another soul. Contact a local dog rescue group or your area shelter. You’ll be glad you did.

Foster Dog Zumba
Foster Dog Zumba through Crisis Dogs NC

Repetition & Rehearsal

Children must learn to walk. They do all the precursors to walking, crawling, learning to stand by holding on to something, a few steps, a stumble. In the beginning, there is more failure than there is success, but that doesn’t keep a child from trying. Nor does it prevent an adult from encouraging them.

Ever heard a parent tell an infant that fell, “Okay, we are done here. You failed for the last time. No point in trying to walk, it is obvious you can’t do it.”

No. Success is assumed by both.

We as adults forget that is okay to fail and try again and again. Adults will say, “those kids are so great with computers, they don’t even struggle.”

But of course, they do. Kids aren’t born knowing how a software program or game works. But they go into with a wide open mind, knowing that they are testing. Some actions will work, some won’t. They discard the ones that don’t work and continue the ones that do. There is no magic. They don’t expect themselves to know everything nor do they beat themselves up if they stumble, they just continue on.

When do we lose that confidence? When do we get so judgemental at ourselves?

Want to get comfortable with something that is new and frightening? Do it over and over again. At one point, driving was frightening and intimidating.  The first day at a new job is scary. Going to a new job gets to be old hat after a few weeks.

Too scared to try? Your imagination is your playground. It allows a person to rehearse a new behavior, to experiment with different scenarios before performing.

If a goal you desire seems to be too far out of reach, take time daily to rehearse the action and the outcome.  The more realistic the scenario, the better. What would you feel, think, see, hear? How would you move your body?

This daydreaming is important. It allows us to view and experience something imagined as real. Once we do that, then it is just follow through.

Think of the next step in your goal. Carve out time in your day to dream over and over again about the successful completion. Of the steps necessary, of the reaction and actions. Then open your eyes and make it a reality.

Mindset Ready? Go!

Be Greedy

Growing up, I received the message loud and clear, don’t ask for more.

That if I wanted more than what I had, then not only was I being greedy, but I wasn’t appreciating what I had.  And that was not okay.

That meant I was selfish, greedy, and unappreciative. All the bad things.

I can understand the impulse from parents wanting to teach their kids to be happy with what they want. After all, kids are the master of “I want!” Always chasing after things, asking for more, eating up life and wanting more joy. Parents need to reign their children’s desire and teach them to appreciate what they have. Of course, the next part of the lesson is usually forgotten, how to work to get more.

Being happy with what you have sometimes becomes perverted when kids turn into an adult.

  • This is my lot in life
  • It’s better than having nothing/being alone/being unemployed.
  • You can lose what you have chasing for more.
  • Don’t be ungrateful.
  • So greedy.

I want to let you know it is okay to want more. You can have more when you work to obtain it. It is the wanting more without creating value, providing service, or giving back that is a sign of greed. Of wanting for just wanting sake.

Wanting to make more money or go on a fabulous once in a lifetime vacation or having a loving and trusting relationship or a fulfilling job are all beautiful things to want and to have as a goal that is worked towards.

So be greedy and work for what you want and appreciate that.

Mindset Ready? Go!

Nothing Good Comes Easy?

Do you ever hear something that makes your brain stutter? Something that stops you and makes you want to say, “What?!”

I was listening to an audiobook, and the writer said, “Nothing good comes easy. Everything good comes through pain and stress and blood.”

NO!!

Really, absolutely no!!

I truly believe that anyone can create their own reality. If we think impoverished thoughts, we are poor. If we see problems or obstacles and look at them as an opportunity to learn, that is what they are.

So why would anyone want to manifest a life where good things only come at a high price of pain? I don’t! I want things to be easy. I can accept when they aren’t easy and take a lesson from that pain, but in no way do I expect only good things can come through pain.

What if it did come easy? What if the answers were obvious? What if every decision made was the right decision? What if the expectation was that life is a banquet of choices, some that are sweet, some that are sour, and some that are an acquired taste?

Where are you making it difficult to achieve? Where are you not letting it be easy?

Mindset Ready? Go!

How High Are Your Standards?

What are standards? In the case of personal growth and goals, standards are a benchmark of what you will allow or accept from yourself or others.

Confused? Every person has a ‘line in the sand’ of what type of treatment they will accept from someone else. You’ve heard people say, “If he cheats, we are done. I won’t deal with a cheater.” That is a standard. Conduct they won’t be tolerated.

No doubt you know someone who has very low standards. They are treated terribly, disrespected, perhaps even physically or verbally assaulted, and yet they never do anything to stop being treated this way.

We aren’t talking about other people in this blog, we are talking about YOUR standards. And this is the funny thing, while it is easy to point out people who have high and low standards and exactly how it is expressed, we don’t normally take time out to review our own standards.

It is an Uncomfortable Thing

Generally, the only time a person starts to question their standards is when they’ve hit the upper or lower limit of it. Otherwise, we have these unwritten rules of what we allow just banging inside our head, totally unexamined or questioned.

What does this have to do with achieving goals? Low standards mean we have a lower threshold for success. If we feel that just getting out of bed and living through another day is an accomplishment, then living a dream life is so far removed that it is nor more than a fantasy.

Too high of a standard means we have an unrealistic idea of what we can accomplish in our timeline. That leads to a perceived failure (I wanted $8 million not $7 million!) and a feeling of dissatisfaction no matter the accomplishments.

Let’s shine a light on our standards to get a better understanding of our limitation and expectations.

What are your expectations of how others should treat you? Because ‘others’ is such a broad category, let’s narrow it down.

  • Strangers
  • Co-workers
  • Employees or subordinates
  • Acquaintances
  • Friends
  • Close friends
  • Parents
  • Close relatives
  • Distant relatives
  • Intimate partner

Chances are there is a baseline of expectations of treatment.  Politeness, minimum respect, honesty, non-violent behavior. But the closer people are to you, the more your standard can raise or fall. For example, a sister who is constantly belittling and disparaging to a younger sibling. Either the parents didn’t notice the behavior or did and didn’t see a problem with it. As they age, the treatment continues. The younger sibling has a choice of either allowing the disrespect and abuse to continue or not. The younger sibling can decide that this is the best treatment she deserves and that anyone that ‘loves’ her should and can treat her like this. Or she can decide to raise her standards and not accept that type of treatment.

What type of treatment do you expect from others on that list? What do you accept from a close circle of relationships that you would never allow with a more casual or distant relationship?  What behavior do you receive from those that are outside of the immediate circle that you would never accept?

Finally, what are your standards for yourself? Are ragged clothes and a dirty environment okay for you?  Is it a job or business that doesn’t meet your intellectual needs? Is it disrespect, dishonesty, and disdain from your romantic partner?

The bottom line is: what is your worth? If you don’t believe you are worthy of your goals, then raise your standards, don’t lower your goals.

Mindset ready? Go!

Imagine It

The unknown is scary especially when it comes to our goals.  The moment we start thinking about moving ahead, that nasty little voice in our head goes crazy and starts imagining all sorts of horrifying scenarios.

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And isn’t it funny that we are willing to consider all the worse case scenarios presented to us by that voice and our friends and families and take it as gospel? That just the imagining of the possible future and obstacles is enough to stop us in our tracks.

If we can imagine the worse cases, why can’t we imagine the best case scenario? If we can imagine all the obstacles, why can’t we imagine all the methods and pathways around or over those obstacles?

Time to take control over our imaginings!

If you don’t know where or how to start to get to your goal – imagine that you do! How would you feel? How would you carry your body? What thoughts would you have if you knew 100% what it is you need to do to get started?  Think about 10 possible scenarios that can get you even ONE STEP closer to where you want to be.

If you are stuck on what to do next, get to writing! Every day write out 10 ideas of how to get unstuck. Don’t worry if the initial ideas are terrible or unrealistic. If you persist, the law of averages says you’ll eventually come to an answer. Ten ideas every day for 10 days is 100 new ideas for moving forward! Even more, when your mind is fixed on finding a solution, you’ll find the answer!

Hit an obstacle? Instead of dreaming of all the possible negative outcomes, consider all the positive consequences.  Remember to keep yourself moving forward, the weight of Pleasure of Action must outweigh the Pain of Action.

Kids understand the power of imagination. It is only as we get older do we stop ‘daydreaming’ and start using the power of imagining against ourselves. The power to create a new beautiful life is yours!

Imagine that!

Mindset Ready? Go!

 

 

The Time Is Going To Pass Anyway

I wanted to reference a previous blog. I searched the archives, and I realized, I have been writing blogs for over a year!

I couldn’t believe it. I double checked which is ridiculous to do, because I could see all the months laid out before me on the website. Twelve months of blogs. Five blogs a week without fail every single week for 53 weeks.

What got to me was not only how quickly the time has passed, but how much I managed to accomplish in that time.

Have goals. Write them down. Work every day on some aspect of them or on you. The time is going to pass whether you are happy or not. The time is going to pass whether you get what you want or not. The time is going to pass and you can never, ever get it back.

This hesitation, this worry that you aren’t enough to get what you want, that you aren’t smart enough or capable enough or deserving enough is so profoundly ludicrous and sad I can’t even type the words.

Make an effort. Do something. Time is a wastin’.

Look back to where you were this time last year. Are you plagued with the same problems? Are you in the exact same place? Don’t you want something more?

Mindset Ready? Go!

Are You Afraid?

Humans have a weird relationship with fear. We work so hard to remove fear from our lives. We create myths and stories, we build structures, laws, and rules, and we do all that we can to rule out uncertainty.

And then we turn around a go to haunted houses, scary movies, and dive off of cliffs and airplanes.

We avoid fear and yet we pursue it.

Just the imagining of something is enough for us to feel fear. Not the action, the actual thinking of doing something. We let fear control us.

You can’t live without fear, but you can live with less fear. Isn’t that the true meaning of fearless?

I’m not talking about jumping willy-nilly into situations without considering the consequences. Certainly fear keeps us from doing that.  But like base-jumpers or people who do extreme sports know, there is a difference between being reckless and managing fear.

Fear shrinks in the light of knowledge. The more you know about the situation, the consequences and yourself, the better able you’ll be to manage fear.

Let’s imagine the scenario where Scott wishes for a higher paying job. Fear has kept him from even looking because he doesn’t think his skills are worth more money, he hates meeting new people and not knowing what he is doing. Now fear can keep him in his current situation until the Pain of Inaction is so overwhelming he acts, or he can be curious about his fear and do work to overcome it.

First, break down each fear into sections. Too many variables and factors can make something more significant than it actually is. The fear of not having the skills can be easily erased by taking classes, reading books and blogs, attending webinars, or even evaluating exactly how much knowledge is truly needed for the job.

Second, the awkwardness of meeting new people can likewise be managed by learning how to be more social in safer situations (like with events where he knows more people than he doesn’t), meeting more people in his industry who have things in common with him, and increasing his skills by taking (you guess it) classes or reading.

Third, the fear of self-consciousness of being in a new situation. There are no classes to take or books to read for this one, but Scott can easily recall situations where he was new, take strength that while it may have been uncomfortable for a while, it eventually got better. Looking back at any experience where he overcame his feels can give him the confidence to know that he can master it.

As author Susan Jeffers wrote, “Feel the Fear and do it anyway.”

Mindset ready? Go!

 

 

 

But What If You Didn’t?

I start my day with my manifestation journal. I write down all the things that are true, should be true, will be true, and gratitude.

Because my ‘real life’ is a social media marketer, I spend hours on Facebook, and the negativity, the hate, the suffering, the angst of it all can make anyone spiral. My manifesting journal keeps me grounded.

I write all that to ask, do you live the life you want? How do you design it, work on your mental attitude every day, and bring what you desire to life?

The inspiration for this blog came from my post-journal Facebook scrolling. Eight a.m. on a Monday and people were already posting…

“I hate taking tests!”

“This week is already a waste. Can’t wait until next Monday.”

“Life sucks!”

My first thought was, “What if it didn’t? What if you didn’t?”

What if you didn’t hate taking tests? How would you act? What would you feel? How would it be a different experience getting ready for and finally taking the test?

What if the week wasn’t a waste? What if you had the next hour to completely transform not only your week but your entire life?

What if your life was a precious gift and you knew? What if you were grateful each day you woke to food in the frig, clean water from faucets, clean air, safe from violence, and with money in the bank so you could make choices?

I had a challenging week. One where I was almost sick with the issues that were going in my business. As I spiraled, I stopped for a moment. What if this wasn’t a huge issue but an opportunity for me to push myself and learn more?

What if this was the catalyst for me to do something else with my life? What if this was a chance for me to reevaluate what I want to do for money?

This didn’t make my problem magically go away.  This isn’t a movie! But it did take me from my monkey-mind and the nagging voice in my head and reframe the problem and its’ importance in the totality of my life.

What if you didn’t have to suffer?

What if you didn’t have to hate eating and exercise?

What if you didn’t have to feel bad all the time?

What if you got to choose the life you wanted instead?

Are you ready?

Mindset ready? Go!